[theqoo] MAN IN HIS 40S REGRETTING HAVING KIDS

“I’ve been regretting lately that we should have just lived as a DINK couple.”=

(T/N: DINK = double income, no kids)

I’m 42, and my wife is 39. We have one 15 y.o son.

When he was young, he was cute and affectionate. He listened well and was a good kid. But around the time he entered fifth grade, he started to change.

He used to be so affectionate, but now he barely talks to me or his mother. When he comes home from school, he just stays in his room playing games. Even when he eats with us, instead of talking to us, he’s glued to his smartphone.

Whenever I try to talk to him, he either barely acknowledges me or gets annoyed and goes back to his room. I’ve lost count of how many times this has happened.

We give him 100,000 won a week (~72 USD) in allowance, but apparently that wasn’t enough, because once he even stole 300,000 won (~216 USD)from his mother’s wallet. When his mother asked him why, he muttered swear words under his breath, claiming he was just talking to himself, but clearly saying them so his mother could hear.

I got so angry that I slapped him. That very day, he left home and didn’t come back for nearly a week.

We eventually tracked him down through his teacher. He was staying at a friend’s house, spending nights at PC bangs, and going to school during the day.

Academically, he’s around 12th or 13th out of 20 students in his class.

To be completely honest, lately I’ve been thinking, “Maybe it would have been better if it had just been the two of us.” I find myself wondering whether this kid will ever bring us any happiness once he grows up.

Even when we first decided to have a child, it wasn’t as though we desperately wanted one. We thought, “Everyone else is having kids, so maybe we should too.” It was half anticipation, half anxiety.

I also thought that if I died before my wife, at least she would have a child who could be there for her and give her some support. I had all sorts of reasons in my head, and eventually we had him.

But I don’t expect him to support me financially or anything. Still, there will inevitably come a time when either my wife or I is left alone. And these days, I find myself thinking that I’ll be lucky if our son doesn’t end up taking money from us and dumping us in a nursing home.

My grandmother is 92 and currently lives in a nursing hospital. I think even my father, who genuinely cares about her, had no choice but to put her there because he couldn’t physically take care of an elderly person himself.

Recently, I visited my grandmother’s hospital over the holidays. There were so many other elderly people there, but during the five hours we stayed, our family was the only family who came to visit.

The other patients just stared blankly into space or slept.

But then again, we also leave my grandmother in a nursing hospital and visit only once or twice a year, telling ourselves that we’ve done what we can.

Sometimes I wonder: Would my grandparents have been better off if they had never had children and had simply lived their lives together, doing everything they wanted?

I know he’s my son, but honestly, he’s acting like a complete piece of shit.

The one consolation is that if my wife outlives me, I can at least take care of her until the end. But if I die first, I’m terrified of leaving my wife alone. Just thinking about that makes me cry.

If we hadn’t had a child, we probably could have saved another 500 million won or so for my wife’s retirement. It’s not an enormous fortune, but it would have made a difference.

I can’t believe I’m having all these thoughts because of one son.

Today, I’m 40-something years old and spent two hours at work getting cursed out and yelled at. If it weren’t for my child, I would have quit and looked for another job.

But this kid does nothing but steal money from his parents, sit around playing games in his room, swear at his mother, and disappear every weekend without even showing his face at home.

I’m losing my mind.

Anyway, whenever I think about my wife, I just end up crying.”